Et tu, Mr. President?

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DOMA, Marriage Equality, Mary Griggs, Rant

(c) by Mary Griggs

There is no pain in the world like the hurt of betrayal. When it comes from our friends, it can leave a mark that might even last to the next election cycle.

The LGBT community got a slap in the face this past week in the form of the Obama administration brief (Smelt and Hammer v. United States) on dismissing the lawsuit against DOMA. It is rightfully being criticized as a harmful and mean spirited defense of a blatantly unconstitutional law. That it comes from our friends and not our enemies, makes the injury that much harder to endure.

And what arguments did they use? Something simple like the plaintiffs have no standing? Nope, not at all. The brief comes pretty darn close to arguing that the Defense of Marriage Act is good for America.

The brief not only dismisses the similarities of gay marriage to inter-racial marriage, it goes so far as to compare gay marriage to incest and the marrying of children. From there, it rehashes the absurd logic that there is no-one being discriminated against because gays and lesbians are allowed to get married—they just have to marry someone of the opposite sex. Not even the extreme fundamentalists use this specious reasoning anymore because even they recognize that the whole point of a freedom to marry is to join with the person you love.

Of course, one of the most insidious claims is the contention that discrimination against same-sex couples is rational because it saves the federal government money. I’m not sure but I don’t think the Framers had cost savings in mind when they established the Constitution as a shield of the citizens against governmental intrusion into our lives.

Far worse than that is the claim that DOMA is consistent with equal protection and due process principles. The Obama administration argues that DOMA is actually constitutional, and then proceeds to go into detail to undermine every single constitutional argument for opposing DOMA in court. The result is to screw the our community on every lawsuit we file on every LGBT issue and in every public policy debate we have in the states on any issue relating to the civil rights of lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender persons.

To those that say that the Department of Justice had not choice but to defend it, I say that is hardly the point. Whether or not the administration felt a need to defend, there were many ways they could have chosen to do so. Richard Socarides had this to say in his blog, The Choice to Defend DOMA, and Its Consequences.

“And even when the DOJ does defend a law against constitutional attack, it does not have to advance every conceivable argument in doing so (such as the brief’s invocation of incest and the marriage of children). In fact, many legal experts believe that in this particular case none of the issues going to the merits of whether or not DOMA is constitutional needed to be addressed to get the case thrown out. The administration’s lawyers could have simply argued, for example, that the plaintiff’s had no standing. There was no need to invoke legal theories that were not only offensive on their face, but which could put at risk future legal efforts on behalf of our civil rights.”

Offensive is right.

It Is Time

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LGBT Equality, Marriage Equality, Mary Griggs, Rant

(c) by Mary Griggs

What was the biggest lesson that the Prop 8 loss in California taught us? That the process of coming out is not complete because it was our friends and families, our coworkers and neighbors who were the ones who voted to deny us civil rights.

The unfortunate fact is that they did so because they did not know the truth of our lives.

In focus groups, panels of straight people who knew LGBT people said they did not believe discrimination was real or nearly bad as was described in the media because their friends or family would have told them if they had experienced these things.

Then, in the lesbian and gay focus groups, participants were asked: Do you share your fears and experiences of discrimination with your straight friends and family? They replied, “No, if they cared they would ask.”

They don’t ask, we don’t tell and rarely do we require them to see with their own eyes the deep harm and real pain inflicted by laws that tell us we are less than our brothers and sisters.

In June of 1978, Harvey Milk said, “Gay people, we will not win our rights by staying quietly in our closets… We are coming out! We are coming out to fight the lies, the myths, the distortions! We are coming out to tell the truth!”

We’ve had thirty-one years since he threw down the gauntlet. In that time many things have changed for the better. But also in that time, thirty states have voted to deny the benefits of marriage to our community. In every parish in Louisiana but Orleans, LGBT people can be fired from their jobs just for being who they are. Military personnel still risk losing their pensions for the unlikely dishonor of loving another. Kids get beat up in school for seeming queer and killed for acting against stereotypical gender roles. All over the nation, same-sex couples are restricted from fostering or adopting while there are children in need going without homes.

In response to those focus groups, there is a project that has been started called Tell 3e. The premise is very simple. Just talk to at least three people about what it means to be or love someone who is LGBT. The more personal and specific you can be the better.

Avoid getting into a political debate. By all means, talk about LGBT politics if it is a part of your personal story. However, conversations about rights and equality are abstract concepts that don’t change people’s hearts and minds the way personal stories do. A story about not being allowed to pick up a prescription for your sick partner or how your boss stopped inviting you to his LSU Bowl game party since you came out are much more powerful than talking in general terms about marriage rights and workplace discrimination.

Once you’ve done so, share your story at their website. Don’t stop there, though. Keep sharing your stories with others. Tell each of those to whom you’ve told your story to tell it to three more people.

These are our lives that are being affected and those who know us should never again be allowed to plead ignorance of how hurtful discrimination is.

It is time to come out.

It is time to tell the truth.

It is time to get equal

“The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks.”

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Events, LGBT Equality, Mary Griggs

(c) by Mary Griggs

This past Saturday was the 2009 HRC New Orleans Dinner. It was an evening filled with beautiful people, awards to the deserving and, most of all, excellent speeches. This was the Louisana Human Rights Campaign 17th Annual Dinner and it was a celebration of Living Out Loud.

The Equality Award went to Michael Hickerson for his tireless work to ensure equal rights and access to services and opportunities for all people, especially people of color. The Corporate Equality Award went to The Louisiana Campaign for Tobacco Free Living for their initiatives to engage disparate populations affected by tobacco and second hand smoke, most notably for including the LGBT community.

HRC Director of Diversity, Cuc Vu gave an inspirational talk about her family’s harrowing journey from the fall of Vietnam and the journey that the LGBT community has before us.

The keynote speaker was Patricia Clarkson, the Emmy winning actress and daughter of New Orleans City Council Member Jackie Clarkson. A hometown gal who has played Blanche Dubois on stage, Patricia rightfully paid homage to our city and heritage by starting with a quote from Tennessee Williams, “The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks.” The speech built from there until the crowd was on their feet.

I think you might enjoy seeing it, so I’m posting it here.

Thanks to all the HRC members who worked so hard to make the evening a success and for their efforts to advance equal rights for our community. As they said in the program: “Living out loud. It is how we have come so far today.”